Monday, February 06, 2023

May I Interrupt For a Moment?

 Language is a funny thing. When you hear the word, you may first think of the words you say, the grammar class you hated in school, the foreign language that you never quite mastered. Or Captain America's reminder to the Avengers to watch theirs.

One thing that fascinated me when learning about language is the use of pauses and interruptions. There seem to be at least two levels of culture in effect here. (Okay, there are probably at least a dozen more levels that I'm not mentioning, but I'm going to talk about two.) Let's talk about the culture of your nationality. For simplicity, we'll define that as the place where most people speak your language natively. And we're not even getting into accents or dialects.

The other culture that I'm going to mention is your family culture. The culture of those you grew up with. 

It's likely that each of these cultures has a (usually unspoken) rule about how to interrupt someone. What kind of space to give their words. Some cultures seem to nearly speak over each other taking no mind for what anyone else is saying. At least that's how it seems to me.

Other cultures give space to a speaker and their words, waiting until they are finished before proceeding to respond.

Sometimes family culture can clash with national culture. Sometimes the two cultures reinforce each other.

Where do you think you fall on the scale? Do you tend towards overlapping dialogue, or do you pull back to give space? What are the advantages of your style? Do you see any advantages to the opposing style?

Just a thought. 


-I love you.-
-Give yourself permission to be okay with your day,
and let tomorrow be tomorrow.-
-Good luck.-

Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Active Listening

When I was 14 or 15 I heard about active listening. I was engaged by the idea and I have tried to implement the practice ever since. 

But I don't do it very well, especially in high tension conversations. Something to keep working on. 

My brother reminded me of the principle and shared this link to an article on some good phrases or behaviors to use that might help me in my active listening. 

Do you have any tips or resources? I'd love to hear them. Let me know below or send me a message. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Productivity - Round Two

(This is an old article. Never published, but drafted on 10/11/2015. I read though it and thought it was still worth sharing.)

In preparing for next year's LTUE, I've been thinking about writing productivity. It's kind of a pet research project of mine.

Here are a few links to other writers talking about productivity that I found:

Here are some of my thoughts:
The Subconscious brain (Keeps working on your problems while you do something else. i.e. the Winnie the Pooh effect, or "sleep on it") Salvador Dali reportedly would sit in a chair with a pencil in his had and fall asleep. When he did, the pencil would slip out of his hand and wake him up. The thoughts he had in those moments were one place that he sought inspiration.

Creativity is not a talent, but a mood. A way of thinking in which you "play" with ideas and solutions. Your mind is "open" to possible solutions. You're not just plugging in the "right" answer, you're open to other possible solutions.

We need to be in the open mode when we're pondering. We need to be in the closed mode when we decide upon a solution. We need to act on our solution without fear that we're wrong. In open mode, we are always slightly suspicious that there's a better way. In closed mode we are simply implementing the way we've chosen (though we justify to ourselves that we have chosen the right way). It has to be that way. To carry out a task successfully, we can't question ourselves. It's important that we balance these two modes.

Here's a little anecdote. I have a full time job. Some of you might as well. It doesn't give me a lot of time to write. I don't get to sit around for three or more hours a day working on my manuscripts. But, my wife is patient enough with me to give me some time every day to write. I get 1 hour. After I get off work, I go to work writing. Sometimes I go to the library (which was very important in starting this habit),  Sometimes I come home and go unfeelingly into my bedroom which doubles (poorly I might add) as an office.

I've found time and again that one hour is barely enough to get into a creative mindset. I'll think and relax, try to clear my mind, and start writing at about minute 45. For those of you who are not great mathematicians, that means I get 15 minutes of writing every day. How long would it take to write a novel at that rate?

Fortunately, I stumbled upon a tool which was confirmed when I listened to John Cleese's presentation. I have lunch and two 15 minute breaks at work. Now I can't really write during those breaks. The environment is too distracting, there's not enough time, and....well...I like the Foosball too much.

But when I tried writing on my breaks, I discovered that I did have the time to jot down a few notes about what happens next in my stories. Just one or two sentences. Even poorly written sentences. This is not necessarily an outline. I am an outliner, but I've already done that. This is just a quick reminder to myself about the scene I'm getting ready to write. Then, when I'm driving home or to the library, I turn off the radio. I take another moment to get things out of the way. I let my mind again wander toward my story. I take myself out of the frustrations of my world, knowing that at 6:30 exactly, I will get right back to them.

And it works.

I've been able to come to my one hour of writing and instead of 15 minutes, I get closer to 50 minutes of productivity. I am actually making progress.

Why?

I'm engaging two of my brains tools. First, I'm giving my subconscious mind something to work on. I'm "sleeping on it" even though I'm still awake. Second, I'm removing a task from my brain's workload during the writing time. That frees up brainpower to work on the actual task of writing. If I sit down and wonder, "What am I going to write?" then I'm in the open mode. But when I sit down to write the scene that I've already prepared in my subconscious mind (with a little work on the conscious side. Remember I've already written an outline and painted with some broad strokes.) for the task. I sit down and can enter my "closed" mode and get down to business.

Intermediate Impossibles - It doesn't matter if this idea is absurd, it's a stepping stone to a new idea.

Crisis Mode - You can engender a permanent attitude of crisis if you're not careful. Avoid at all times the idea that any activity is a crisis. If your assignment is due and you don't have time, it's not a crisis. Do the best you can with what you have. If your child falls off the slide and cracks their forehead open, it's not a crisis. Take care of the situation. Take care of your child. Do well with what you have. But do not enter crisis mode. Crisis is an attitude that can be applied to dirty dishes, someone using your cell phone, a job not finished in time. Work to get things done right. Set goals. Do your best in a bad situation. But never enter crisis mode unless you have an actual crisis. You run the risk of losing control of what little power you have to help the situation. Finish the job, and then freak out afterword if a little freak out is necessary. I have five brothers and one sister. We had injuries in our house growing up. My mother always calmly bandaged our wounds, took us to the doctor for stitches, or took care of the problem. And then, when everyone was safe, she would fall apart. In moments of crisis, we should never fall apart. Avoid the attitude of crisis. Everything can be resolved, and if it can't, then we have no control. Don't worry. Just write.