I narrated a book that has a line in its title that I've thought about often. The title is The Best Husband Award Goes To Me: How To Be A Better Husband And Learn To Recognize The Mistakes You Make, Change The Way You Treat Your Wife And Make Her Fall In Love With You Again
It's a mouthful of a title, and a sentiment that I've seen a lot of people looking for. And overall, I think there are some useful things for husbands to think about in this book. But the one part that keeps me up at night is the final phrase, "Make her fall in love with you again."
I'm all for treating your spouse with kindness, respect, honesty, and as an equal partner. But I am wary of trying to make her or anyone else do anything. Your spouse has a choice. Now, when we get married, that choice is formalized. Two people commit to each other. You both make your choice known. It's an agreement that is meant to last.
But that agreement is not always permanent. If one or the other of the party chooses to leave the relationship, no matter how painful it is to either one, that choice is always available. And it is not one spouse's choice to make for the other.
We should treat our spouses with honor and love. Be honest and kind. Be open and communicative. Do our best to listen, and to be heard.
And we should also allow them to make the choice about whether or not they love us.
The intimacy of the marriage relationship is the ultimate form of vulnerability. You trust someone else completely to make choices that could hurt you. But that trust is in their individual agency. Don't try to make anyone, let alone the person you want to spend your future with, fall in love with you. That cheapens the relationship. Let them choose to love you. Encourage them to choose you. Do your best to be your best and the best for them.
While the commitment of marriage is more important that our current culture makes it out to be, it is a bond that is best made through choice.
So, instead of "make her fall in love with you again." Find satisfaction in yourself. Love her, and let her choose to love you in return.
