Novel Progress Tracker: 2

Words Last Week: 897 (Total Words 9205)

As you can see, I missed by goal (6000) by more than a few words. Here's how it went.

After writing the last post, I immediately felt guilty for the time I spent not helping my family. That continued for a few hours until I was able to get myself out of my slump. I didn't write or even really think about writing any more that day.

Monday was similar. I had a rough Monday morning (insert standard Monday comment here) and, even though I enjoyed much of the rest of the day, I shared with my family that I was finding it hard to even think about writing with everything going on. One of my writing group members sent a message saying that she wouldn't be attending. She had some cool stuff going on and I was jealous. Put that on top of how I felt about my writing, and I wrote back that I probably would be dropping in and out of the group for a while as well. But I didn't send the message. I stopped, erased it, and just left the congratulatory note that I had started with.

During dinner, my oldest son lost a tooth. He had played with it earlier and had pulled it out just far enough that it hurt constantly. I asked him if he wanted us to pull it out and he said no. Eventually we convinced him and my wife pulled it. Things got better for him. I thought this was a great time for a teaching moment.

I observed in what I thought was an insightful manner, "Sometimes things in life are hard. If we push just hard enough that they hurt or become difficult, it can be easy to give up and stop. But if we keep pushing through the hard part then we usually end up better off." (I'm paraphrasing, but I use quotes anyway. We don't really have an easy subjunctive indicator.)

On Tuesday I punched myself in the face (metaphorically speaking). And realized what was going on with my writing. I'm at the hard/painful part. I'd realized it intellectually, but Tuesday my emotional side started to catch up to my intellectual side. (I usually take a while to get where I know I want to be.) One more thing helped. A member of my writing group made a comment (maybe not meaning it) about my lack of participation in the group. His comment suggested that I wasn't a hard core member, or a "real" member of the group. He didn't say it. It's more what I read into it. I wrote about three pages.

I fumed a bit, and then that emotion turned into something useful. I realized that he was right. I haven't been contributing. I haven't been writing. On Monday night I even considered dropping out. He was totally right. I'm not a hard core writer. But I will be now.

We're going to re-assess the group around the new year, and I want to be a part of it. I want to be one of the writers that says, "Here's my next novel that I'm working on." I need to up my game. I need to finish my novel. Last week you got whining. This week I whined too.

After my Wednesday night writing group meeting I began to question my story again. It's very easy to do when you have people pointing out all the problems with your writing/story. Intellectually I know that I just need to write.

Thursday began a vacation from work. I woke up early in the morning to write...and avoided writing again. I spent time with family, cleaning up the house and yard, and helped a neighbor move. I acknowledge that I am avoiding writing out of fear and laziness. I can't let that last.

Friday, same thing. I spent great time with my family and kids. I took some time looking at the computer screen. I played games, hung out with my family, and helped my brother move. All the while I kept telling myself, "I'll make time for writing later." I know I'm avoiding it.

Saturday. Mostly the same thing. In the afternoon I forced myself to sit down in front of the computer...I spent most of my time researching late medieval and early renaissance artists. I wrote two pages in my novel.

Sunday and Monday same thing. Skipped church to attended a funeral, spent time with family, played with kids. Monday night I felt bad about how little I had written. Don't want to get depressed about it. Need to find a way to let my guilt motivate me rather than just get me down. Best way I can think of, just write. We'll see how things go next week. Goal again 6,000 words.

They're Not Going To Die

So I've heard that writing a story in first person removes some of the tension of a story because as an audience, we know that the narrator doesn't die. We at least know that they live until the time that they are telling the story. I've also heard that argument for other characters than the viewpoint character. If we know they survive, then we can't be afraid for them.

The idea is this. We can't be afraid for someone that we know is safe. The stakes are not high enough. The danger isn't real. I've heard some people even go so far as to say that it destroys any possibility for tension in the story.

So, letting the audience know that someone lives through an event can weaken the tension in a story.

I hear that advice, and I've given it before. But I'd like to offer a few counter examples for consideration.

First, I have a friend. Some time after I met him I found out that he had once been stranded in a small boat on the ocean. He had gotten in the boat inside Kwajalein atoll. The ring of islands and the the landforms beneath the water kept the waters inside the atoll relatively safe. The water outside the atoll was very dangerous, and we were warned not to go out of the atoll. It was usually easy, because the islands were connected by a reef-like barrier. At low tide, you could walk between some of the islands.

But for some reason, his boat made it oceanside and he floated out to sea. He was lost.

The search and rescue operation eventually found him and he got home safely. When I heard his story, I knew he had survived. But the story was still emotionally charged for me.

Next we have stories that I've experienced over and over again. Serenety, Romeo and Juliet, Star Wars (4, 5, and 6). I already know the outcome of those stories. I already know that Romeo and Juliet die. I already know that Mal survives in Serenety. I already know that Luke defeats Darth Vader. But I still enjoy each of those stories every time I watch or read them. Why? In the case of Romeo and Juliet, I still honestly hope that they'll figure it out. Every time.

Let's be honest. There probably is some tension that I experience when I don't know if a character is going to live or die. But for me that isn't the primary draw for a story. There are plenty of bad things that can happen to a character without them dying, and in most stories we already do have a general idea of who lives and dies. In some stories it probably is better for the survival of a character to be a question. But is it always?

Is your story going to fall apart if your audience knows the ending, or will your audience enjoy reading it every single time? My personal goal is to write a story that is good enough that my audience won't care. Can I do it? Would I still try if I knew? I think so.

New kind of post-Novel Progress Tracker 1

I am working on a novel. This is probably not uncommon for a writer and aspiring author. You know what else is probably not uncommon? That sometimes writing is hard.

This is the first in a string of posts that I will be writing to journal my writing experience. My overall goal for this book (in length) is about 80,000 words. I've found that that's about the number of words it takes me to tell my stories. It feels right.

I'm using a website that I created with my brothers to track my progress toward that goal. It's called wordtrackr.com. It's in the beta stage, but it works for what I need here. Feel free to check it out if you want. There's no charge.

I'm currently at about 8,308 words. That's about 11% of my goal. My goal is about 1,200 words every workday or 6,000 words per week (That lets me make up time on the weekend if necessary). At this rate, I should be finished with the rough draft in mid-late December. That's my goal.

This week I wrote 410 words. The week before I wrote 1300. I've got a job substitute teaching at a local elementary school. I'm teaching 6th grade. It's fun, and I'm looking into getting an endorsement to teach Elementary School full time. (That means I'll be licensed to teach in my state.) What does this mean for my writing? I've been dedicating more and more time to teaching. I want to do my best at school, and since that's the job that pays money now I can justify spending two to three extra hours every day on it. I'm not making that kind of time for writing.

Also, my wife is pregnant. We chose this, but it's a hard pregnancy for her. She's not officially on "bed rest" orders from her doctor, but she has had to cut most activities out of her life (e.g. last night we walked across the street to our neighbors back yard. On the way back she was leaning on me just to make it home.) She's chosen to be a stay at home mom, so at least we're not losing income that we expected. I'm picking up responsibility for housework, yard work, shopping, cooking, and looking after the rest of our kids.

This Friday night I went on a Boy Scout campout with my oldest son. I got to see him interacting with the boys in his troop. I got to struggle to make a fire and make smores with him, hike around a campground and watch him shoot an arrow into a paper dragon, and then walk home with all our gear because my car had been towed away because I parked it overnight where I wasn't supposed to.

I have a great writing group. This wednesday I spent every hour after I got home (and after I had reviewed lesson plans, balanced my checkbook, and responded to important emails) reading and responding to their submissions.

All of these things are good. My wife is pregnant. I've got a job. I get to hang out with my kids. I have a strong writing group.

But I didn't write.

The one time I did write was when I woke up an hour early in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. That's where I got 410 words.

When it comes to writing, I didn't have much time to feel bad about how little I do. But on Saturday when I hiked home with my son, picked up my car from the towing lot, etc. I couldn't help but feel a bit discouraged. I recently had a chance to review my current life with some valuable input from others and someone pointed out that I don't value writing. I make time for work because I see the immediate benefits. But I don't make time for writing.

Lately when I sit down with a bit of free time I don't let myself write. I feel that something will come up to steal away my time. There's always something. I hear the inner self-help junkie saying, "Make goals. Prioritize. This is all your own fault." Intellectually I can point out where I am making poor choices. But emotionally I'm struggling. I only really thought about giving up writing altogether once this week. That's progress I guess.

But I still love the story I'm writing. Sometimes I love it so much that I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up. Sitting down and actually writing this week has been hard. But when I did, I felt great. Driving in my car I thought of scenes and snippets of dialogue. It almost felt real again.

ABOUT FUTURE POSTS

Each week I will post two things:

1. My numerical progress toward that goal.
2. How the writing process went for me.

My purpose for these posts is to be completely vulnerable. I want to be open with others about my writing process so that maybe other writers can see a bit of themselves. I'm self centered enough to believe both that I'm the perfect model and everyone will do things exactly like myself, and that I'm 100% unique and no one does things like me. There's just enough of me connected to reality to understand that neither one of these is completely true.

Improvement often happens when we see and recognize our failings, then consciously address them. Unfortunately, we rarely have true insight into our own weaknesses. But we often easily see the faults in others. (A mote in your eye vs. a beam in my own if you will.) If another writer can see a bit of themselves in me, or if they can just see my writing process clearly from the outside, then perhaps they will be able to spot the failures and do better. I'm setting myself up as a learning example. Not an example of failure, because I hope to succeed. Not a perfect example, because I know I'm not. But a real example. Hopefully by analyzing my writing process, hopes, dreams, fears, and habits, someone can see a better way. Who knows? Maybe even me.