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The other day it rained like the dickens here. I don't know exactly what that phrase means, but if the dickens rains a lot, then that's what it did here.

It was pretty amazing. I mean I do live in Utah, which pretty much means that I live in a desert (That may not be true for 100% of the state, but at least 75% and if not that, then at least the part where I live.). So, what happens when it rains like crazy in the desert? Warm rain, and Flash floods. Fortunately no one was hurt because there weren't any real floods, but the water on the sides of the road got going fast enough past my apartment complex to sweep my four year old son off his feet. I tell you what, sometimes I am extra grateful for having quick reflexes.

So I was driving home from work and I thought to myself, "I loved playing in the rain when I was a kid. I bet my wife won't tell the kids to go play outside in the rain, so I guess it's up to me." And it was. The very kidness of my kids was at stake here. I mean playing in the gutter and the rain was pivotal in my childhood experiences (That may explain a few things about me). So I called my wife on our handy dandy notebook (Oh wait, that's Blue's Clues) I mean my handy dandy cell phone and told her to get the kids ready to play outside in the rain. I meant shorts, a t-shirt, and some boots, but she thought double layers, rain boots, and a rain hat. She was probably right.

So, I got home and brought my kids out. Oh, it was great (besides the little kid being swept away in the current thing). After the rain slowed down I let them back in the water and we had a grand old time. I've even got pictures somewhere. Maybe I'll post them someday. My kids have played in the swimming pool, sprinklers, a fountain at a park, but I think that this was the first time they've ever experienced playing in the rain. I enjoyed watching them, and they completely enjoyed getting all of their clothes completely soaked, and then they had a bath after. Talk about a great life.

What's the difference between a red head and a terrorist?

So, today I had an epiphany. It seems that I've been working too hard at the wrong things. You see, I am in the lower middle upper class. That is to say, I'm in the upper part of the middle of the lower class according to my income. Maybe even the lower middle middle class. And while I am in school, I can't work as much as I need to meet all my and my family's needs. Because of that, I am eligible for grants and other aid from the government. I'm fine with that, because I plan to make enough when I graduate to help pay other people's way through college. But here's the rub.

I thought to myself, "If I write and sell one of my scripts I will get just enough money to not qualify for the help we're getting, but I won't have a steady job (it takes a long while to get a steady job writing, and payment usually comes in lump sums from what I hear.) That means that I won't be able to survive on what I do make so I'd better just not write because I want to stay in my current financial situation until I graduate from college and begin earning money in my steady teaching job."

I know, it's a mouthful. But I really said all that to myself. And I condensed it here.

Isn't it silly. I decided that it was worth it to hold myself back. Now if that isn't a load of bull, then I don't know what is. Trying to make less money. I haven't even submitted a script yet, no less should I be worrying about how much money I don't want to make. If I get booted out of the 'poverty' tax bracket because I earn some money, then I'll just need to write something else so I can earn more money. I mean I understand taking the aid as I need it in school, but holding myself back so that I don't advance because of it...I was looking for the life of ease that we get from being poor. I think that I can do better than that. I can work hard and get my rear out of that spot that it's been so comfortably occupying as of late. Time to be me again and kick that...well...me in the butt.

Oh, Incidentally, you can negotiate with a terrorist.

Taking a page from Mama Heather

Ok, So I went and took this nerd quiz. Somehow I doubt the statistical validity of the survey, but it was fun. And hey, I discovered that I'm a Drama nerd. Who would have ever thought?

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Drama Nerd   You sure do love the spotlight and probably have a very out-going and loud personality. Or not. That's just a stereotype, of course. Participation in the theatre is something to be very proud of. Whether you have a great voice for musicals, or astounding skills for dramas/comedies; keep up the good work. We need more entertainment these days that isn't television and video games (not that these things are bad, necessarily.)
Literature Nerd
Social Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Arts and.... well, Family

When I was a liberal arts major I studied German and Theatre. Oh, wait, I stil am a liberal arts major. But I also study education so I can teach because...well, I have a family and that seems to be one of the only ways to make money in the liberal arts field. No. Stop. That's not quite true. Plenty of ways to make money exist inthe Liberal arts field. However, most of them require years of no money and trying to get your name known. So I revise my previous statement as follows; Teaching seems to be one of the only ways to make money in the liberal arts directly out of college.

So I have two things to say. And one of them is said. The other one remains to be said. And I don't even know if I'll say it.

I traveled three.5 hours two ways (that's about 7 hours just so you know) to get to a family outing on Saturday. I tell you, it's a good thing that my family is freakin' awesome, or I really would have rued the trip. As it is now, I'm just still trying to recover. Water fights and picnics and my brother's new iPhone. Lots of fun was had by all.

Laters.

Have you ever been afraid of success?

(This blog was written in February of this year (2/12/2007). At the time It was much too personal for me to post. I realize now that I don't really fear success, but the same old cliched fear of rejection seeps into my soul. I fear that what I have inside me is not what I think it is. I fear that by abandoning those places and stories inside me I have lost them and can never bring them to light. But what are these fears? They are excuses that keep me from writing. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of loss. These fears, all valid, should not hold us back....anyway, here's the post. Go back and read the title, then the next line down.)

It's an incredible feeling.

Tonight I sat and watched actors who will compete for the Irene Ryan acting award. And they were good. Very good. All of them working, acting, doing what artists do. Creating an emotion, a moment, a feeling that is as real to every member of the audience as if it were happening to them. And as I sat and watched I knew that I am every bit as good as any of them. Then the question came into my mind. Why? Why, if I'm so good, am I not up there driving the audience to an emotional crescendo. Why isn't it me standing there giving a speech about St. Crispin's day? Why aren't I teaching normal happy people what it feels like to hurt, to love, to laugh? And then the answer came to me. I'm scared. For the same reason that this post will probably never see anything but the file folder on my desk. I am scared.

The other day my wife watched me practice for an audition. At the end she said, "I've never seen you that angry before." Why?

Not why hasn't she seen me angry, but why has she never seen me express my emotions like that. Why has she never seen me act? We watch movies and she says, "Where do people come up with ideas like that?" The answer I long to give, the answer that festers deep inside of my heart is simply this; right here. I have worlds inside of me longing to break free. I can express myself through writing. I can write the part of a nation of powerful and interesting people, but I am afraid. What if I succeed?

What will I do if I actually get up there and move someone? What would I do if I wrote something that people loved? They would expect me to do it again. Again! I couldn't live with that. I'm just a quiet guy. But I long for so much more. My wife isn't holding me back. My family isn't holding me back. They don't even know the intensity of creation that boils within my soul. I think, I write, I feel with great power.

But I have written myself a different part. I have written the safe character who cannot take chances. I hide within this character that I have created and I pretend that it's me.

God give me the power to break my mold. Give me the strength to change the world around me. Give me the faith to leap up into that marvelous and inventive river of life that flows through all of creation. God help me to become who I was meant to be.

There's gotta be something I can call this post.

And for that matter, there's gotta be something I can write here. I know, I'll write about me. That seems to be a suitably narcacistic topic.

First off I have a wonderful brother who has a wonderful wife who just had a wonderful baby. I assume that she's a wonderful baby because she is my niece and that's just what happens to my nieces and nephews they get wonderful (my kids too, but that's a different story for a different day). All kinds of wonderful in fact.

And this brings me to more me. I have a smart kid who suggested that I tell him a story about a spitting watermelon. A spitting watermelon! Imagine that. I did. I wouldn't have if it weren't for my son, but I did. And now I'm writing a story about it. But that's all I can tell you because aside from being egocentric, I am also extremely paranoid about my written works being stolen.

But in sad news about me, my other sister in law had a child who passed away. This probably isn't the best place to bring it up, but, even though my brother and sister-in-law handled the situation well, I had very powerful feelings about the event and I wanted to urge all of you give those that you love a hug because sad things happen to us all.

Enough about me though. Let's talk about you...hello?

I should really get a notebook

So, I was reading an article in either Time, or Newsweek the other day. That other day being a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or Monday. I'm counting Monday as an 'other' day even though today is Monday because I read this article quite a few months ago (You know, for some reason I almost put an apostrophe before the s in months to make it plural. Almost in this case means that I did it and then erased it. That's not even close to proper punctuation.). I don't even know for sure if the article I read was in a magazine, but it was an article, and those are the two magazines that I tend to read most when I do read magazines so I feel like I'm safe in referencing them for this article because it is an article that would be in one or both of those magazines. I did however find a similar article on two websites. Here, and Here.

So, the article I read told me to be messy. Now, I'm a pretty neat freak. That means that I'm a neat freak, not that I'm pretty or pretty neat. I guess that the phrase is somewhat misleading. I will probably never use it on accident again.

But I will be messy. Actually, I think that what the article touts most is not becoming obsessed with organization. The saying, "A clean desk is the sign of a sick mind." is true according to this article. But it doesn't say to leave the dishes out gathering mold or leave the toys on the floor so that you trip. The message is a little more practical, at least for me.

One of the biggest things I noticed what the suggestion that filing things away in a file cabinet or drawer could be counter productive to the brain's natural modus operendi. Look at it this way, if you have a stack of notes you may come upon the one you need when you're not thinking about it and because your brain was processing the information you finally solve the problem you didn't even know you were looking for (Corwin from Zelazny's Amber series says it this way, "I usually do my best real thinking when I’m thinking about something else.”) but if you file them away you may never see that note again. Think about the genesis of great discoveries, like penicillin.

I think that I tend to agree to a point. When I get home from a particularly inspirational day I usually have a stack of scrap papers, reciepts, torn up cardboard, and other trash in my pocket because that was the closest piece of paper when I felt the muse strike. I like to leave these notes in a pile, but eventually I go through those notes and organize them or at least make a list about them. Maybe that gives my mind enough time to sort through it all, maybe now.

Speaking of being unorganized, how's this blog go for that category.

Breaking up a little piece of cracker makes me feel happy.

Wow, what to say. (Notice that is a statement, not a question though I did think about making it a question.)

My wife is out of town with the kids, and I thought I'd get to sleep, or play, or something. But no. I have to work...actually, that's the reason that I'm not out of town with my wife and kids right now. They went up to spend the fourth of July with some family and left me behind. (oh, incidentally, Happy birthday U.S.A. although I guess you were technically ratified and born on the 3rd we still celebrate the fourth when it was all signed.) I guess it's all for the best though. I'm not as big a fan of fireworks as I once was. In fact, I was glad to stay inside and work last night. Don't get angry at my boss for me. He didn't ask me to work on the evening of the 4th. I just started a new job today, and I wanted to get things finished early so I didn't have to wake up a 4:30 in the morning. I never like waking up at 4:30 in the morning.

So, I'm all alone. I feel bad that I am enjoying the peace and quiet, but I am. I love my family, but I could probably make quite a successful career as a hermit. I guess that's a little weird, because I even like being around other people most of the time. But I just have wanted a break from it all lately. But if I start writing on any of the three new stories that have come into my head I'll probably get over it. Mostly I only want peace and quiet to study, read, write, or play video games...and the last one is really a lot more fun with other people most of the time.

I don't know about you, but I revel in my 'me' time. When I was growing up I would go sit in the bathroom just to get some time to myself usually with a good book. Now, however I have two children who will do what they need to whether I let them in the bathroom or not. I really prefer to have them use the toilet.

But vegging out isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure I can not wash dishes for three days and still only have one plate, one cup, one fork, one knife, and one spoon to clean. But I tend to loose my cool if I stay up late, and that happens more when I'm alone. So, here's my bachelorhood resolution. Tonight I will go to bed at a reasonable hour (before midnight) and tomorrow I will write down some of the ideas that I've been jotting on every available scrap of paper (I bet you never knew that the inside of a triscut box could hold an entire movie concept with bits of dialogue and all.)

Well, I might write something here again before my wife returns to me. If I do, I will probably be just as cynical and out of sorts as I am now, so come see me for what I really am...tired.