Novel Progress Tracker: 2

Words Last Week: 897 (Total Words 9205)

As you can see, I missed by goal (6000) by more than a few words. Here's how it went.

After writing the last post, I immediately felt guilty for the time I spent not helping my family. That continued for a few hours until I was able to get myself out of my slump. I didn't write or even really think about writing any more that day.

Monday was similar. I had a rough Monday morning (insert standard Monday comment here) and, even though I enjoyed much of the rest of the day, I shared with my family that I was finding it hard to even think about writing with everything going on. One of my writing group members sent a message saying that she wouldn't be attending. She had some cool stuff going on and I was jealous. Put that on top of how I felt about my writing, and I wrote back that I probably would be dropping in and out of the group for a while as well. But I didn't send the message. I stopped, erased it, and just left the congratulatory note that I had started with.

During dinner, my oldest son lost a tooth. He had played with it earlier and had pulled it out just far enough that it hurt constantly. I asked him if he wanted us to pull it out and he said no. Eventually we convinced him and my wife pulled it. Things got better for him. I thought this was a great time for a teaching moment.

I observed in what I thought was an insightful manner, "Sometimes things in life are hard. If we push just hard enough that they hurt or become difficult, it can be easy to give up and stop. But if we keep pushing through the hard part then we usually end up better off." (I'm paraphrasing, but I use quotes anyway. We don't really have an easy subjunctive indicator.)

On Tuesday I punched myself in the face (metaphorically speaking). And realized what was going on with my writing. I'm at the hard/painful part. I'd realized it intellectually, but Tuesday my emotional side started to catch up to my intellectual side. (I usually take a while to get where I know I want to be.) One more thing helped. A member of my writing group made a comment (maybe not meaning it) about my lack of participation in the group. His comment suggested that I wasn't a hard core member, or a "real" member of the group. He didn't say it. It's more what I read into it. I wrote about three pages.

I fumed a bit, and then that emotion turned into something useful. I realized that he was right. I haven't been contributing. I haven't been writing. On Monday night I even considered dropping out. He was totally right. I'm not a hard core writer. But I will be now.

We're going to re-assess the group around the new year, and I want to be a part of it. I want to be one of the writers that says, "Here's my next novel that I'm working on." I need to up my game. I need to finish my novel. Last week you got whining. This week I whined too.

After my Wednesday night writing group meeting I began to question my story again. It's very easy to do when you have people pointing out all the problems with your writing/story. Intellectually I know that I just need to write.

Thursday began a vacation from work. I woke up early in the morning to write...and avoided writing again. I spent time with family, cleaning up the house and yard, and helped a neighbor move. I acknowledge that I am avoiding writing out of fear and laziness. I can't let that last.

Friday, same thing. I spent great time with my family and kids. I took some time looking at the computer screen. I played games, hung out with my family, and helped my brother move. All the while I kept telling myself, "I'll make time for writing later." I know I'm avoiding it.

Saturday. Mostly the same thing. In the afternoon I forced myself to sit down in front of the computer...I spent most of my time researching late medieval and early renaissance artists. I wrote two pages in my novel.

Sunday and Monday same thing. Skipped church to attended a funeral, spent time with family, played with kids. Monday night I felt bad about how little I had written. Don't want to get depressed about it. Need to find a way to let my guilt motivate me rather than just get me down. Best way I can think of, just write. We'll see how things go next week. Goal again 6,000 words.