I just have to say something to my dad. I can't help it. I am compelled. Compelled, I say! At this point, you may be thinking that someone is standing here with a gun to my head or something, but that's not it at all. I am not even being coerced by method of food depravation. I've already had dinner. In fact I am quite full. My grand-mother-in-law took us out to Golden Corral, a local all you can eat place.
This starts me on the topic of 'all you can eat' restaraunts. They are evil. Wait, what am I saying. That is basically what any restaraunt is. Restaraunts just go about it in a different way.
For instance: If I go to Burger King and buy $6.99 worth of food, it is likely all that I can eat. If I go to Golden Corral then the same amount of money buys me all sorts of mass produced food that I can stuff into my body until there is no longer any room. They just have to make sure that I don't eat $6.99 worth of food. That's easy. At the rate they are getting food, only the heartiest of speed eating proffesionals (and here I refer to people such as our little oriental friend who ate about a billion hot dogs) would be able to come out costing the restaraunt more than they ate. Of course, there is all of the other overhead, but I'm sure it works because there are so many around.
Lastly I would like to point out a fairly popular alternative method to filling you up on the money you pay. This one is a little more expensive, at least for us. Take a high end restaraunt who charges upwards of fifty dollars for a plate. They make a killing in both ways. First, they charge an exorbitant price, and then they are assured that you have all that you can eat because, let's face it. Every one feels a little less like eating when they just forked out Seventy five bucks for the appetizer platter.
Of course, you could say that these last restaraunts charge for the ambience, and you may very well be right, but my point still stands. Even if you are comfortable dishing out (ha, I said dishing in a conversation about serving food(Ha I said conversation when I am really just typing and you have no way to initiate dialogue)) large amouts of cash for small amounts of food, you are most likely in a situation that is not conducive to eating (e.g. a date, a business meeting, or worse a proposal).
So, as I was saying. Happy birthday DAD! You have been a great father, and because you were born into your family, you provided me with a great heritage. I am thankful for all that you have done for me, and I am sure that I don't even know the half of it. Thank you.
I am also sure that at this point you would be greatful if I just stopped. Well, ok.
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